Grocery store checkout

Unload items. Scoot cart to the end.


Bag Girl: Did you not want to use your cart?

Me: Sure. I probably need it.

BG: Then why did you push it two lanes away?

I look. Hmmmm. Somehow in a moment of ADD I really did park the cart a couple of lanes over.

I go get it.

Me: Sorry about that. Everything doesn’t always click.

Nervous smile.

No response.

BG: You wanna just take these oranges in their bag or you wanna leave them in the crate.

The oranges are called “Cuties.” I thought about mentioning they were named after me, but from BG’s earlier non-response I knew it was a risk.

Me: I’ll just keep them in the little box.

No response. Oranges placed in buggy.

Groceries totaled.

BG while gripping the cart handle: You need some help to your car?

(Not actually sure if that was a question or a statement.)

Me: Uhhhhh. No thank you. I won’t get lost. I promise.

No response.

Cashier: Laughing.

I head toward the car unsupervised!!!!


Haircut lady: u watching football today?

Me: not sure. Maybe.

HL: auburn isn’t on TV and Alabama has a bye week

Me: ahh

HL: of course I hate AL and LSU! Who do you pull for?

Me: you’ve got clippers in your hand. I’m not saying.

HL: smart

Car Rental

Had an unexpected trip and needed a car.

Car rental agent (CRA) : We are out of cars.

Me: Are you sure. Can you call?

CRA: (Calls Bob) Hey, are we accepting walk ups?

Meanwhile I was on the rental company’s app and made a reservation.

CRA: Sorry sir, but there are no cars. We are not taking walk ups.

Me: But I just made a reservation.

Turned my phone to show him.

He said several, i mean several bad words in his head and stared at me.

CRA: Bob, its me again. This gentleman just made an online reservation while standing here.

CRA: Well, sir, it’s your lucky day.

Ten minutes later i was off in a mom mobile – better known as a mini-van.

public speaking

Little Lady

Airport Check In

A little lady is working the counter. It is so good to see that short-people-discrimination is not in play here.

She can barely see over the counter. Which is awesome because I can barely see over the counter myself.

Our eyes meet.

We can see each other from the eyes up, but that’s it. We’ve got no clue if the other has a nose or mouth.

Little Lady: Next

I step up. I know the system.

State name.

Hand over driver’s license or passport.

Since I am headed to Dallas I hand over my driver’s license. The one with the picture I made the sour state worker retake 5 times because I did not want it to look like I had pulled a bender.

Little Lady: Nice photo. (OK, I made that part up.)

Little Lady: Mr. Evans did you check in online?

Me: Yes. Ma’am.

Little Lady: Is Dallas your final destination?

Me: Yes. Ma’am.

Little Lady: I see you are in 17C. Would you be opposed to an exit row?

Me: No. Ma’am. (I give a slight grin. Unfortunately she can’t see it because of the counter.)

Little Lady: I’ll put you in 12A. That will get you closer to the front and give you a little extra legroom.

Me: Thank you ma’am! As you can tell I need it!

I winked and walked away.

It’s good to be short.

Don’t grow. Stay low.

Paul Evans

Live Your Mission!


Loud Mama


At the airport.


It’s a ghost town in here.


Waiting for maintenance to repair an “issue.” I am for that!

The place is quiet. 27 of us.

The 28th & 29th are not quiet.

Mom and child.

Child may have a hearing disability for mom is a loud talker.

The 27 have not missed a syllable regardless of distance.

Walked down to “Muggs” to get a cinnamon roll. Didn’t miss an ounce.

One thing for sure. Little girl is going to grow up with a load of confidence. “She’s a gooooooood girl!” “She’s a smart girl!”

I’m not big on loud talking in a quiet place. BUT. If you’re going to talk loud, be encouraging.

Way to go mom! Keep shouting it!!!!!!

Banking Help

In case you were wondering…

At the bank drive thru. The sucky tube thing. You can put your deposit stuff in it, close the top and slip it in the suction vortex… but if you get distracted by your phone and don’t push the “Send” button the sucky tube won’t suck.

After five minutes you’ll be wondering why the tellers are so slow when you’re the only one in the drive thru.

Then you’ll get impatient.

You’ll shoot some glances over to the glass windows.

You’ll give them “the look.”

Then out of the corner of your eye, you’ll see all your gear sleeping in the sucky tube.

The you’ll feel stupid and press the “Send” button. Your stuff will disappear in a rocket of suction.

At least that’s my experience.

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Mission: Marriage

On the elevator…

A sweet, older couple from India entered. They were tiny people. I felt right at home.

Each had a big, bold, shiny button which read…

“Happy Anniversary – 48 years!”

Me: Wow!!! 48 years!

Little lady: Yes, 48 years!

Little man: Yes, 48. It has been very hard on me. Very hard.

Then he smiled a big toothless grin and filled the elevator with laughter.


ATL Airport…

AirLady #1: Can I help you?

Me: I’m trying to get an earlier flight home.

AirLady #1: Let me see your ticket.

I had it over. She looks it over. Then looks me over. Then hands it back.

AirLady #1: Yes, we can help you. Please enter the line.

I’m the only one in line.

But I stand there waiting.

6 people are waiting to help me. Unfortunately, none of them look up. So I give a subtle, southern cough.

AirLady #2: Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t see you, please step up.

Me: No problem. They discriminate against the short man around here. These are some of the highest counters I’ve ever seen! 😉

AirLady #2 (grins.)

I’m working the magic, this is going to turn out OK.

AirLady #2: What can I help you with?

Me: I’m trying to get an earlier flight.

AirLady #2: Let me see your boarding pass.

I hand it over.

She types.

AirLady #2: Yes, we can get you on a flight. It will be $50.

Me: Oh, I just want to do standby.

AirLady #2: (Whispering) We aren’t supposed to mention standby. It doesn’t really exist.

Me: (Whispering) That’s weird because I flew standby to get here 4 hours early.

AirLady #2: I know. It’s strange like that.

Me: OK. I will go down to my gate and ask there.

AirLady #2: That’s a good idea.

I walk 60 feet down to the gate.

I approach AirLady #3 at my gate.

Me: I’d like to see if I could get on this flight.

AirLady #3: Sure. Let me check…. uh-huh, looks to be room. I can’t confirm it yet, but I can put you on the standby list.

Me: (whispering) that doesn’t exist.

AirLady #3: (Smiling) That’s right. I’ll put you on the waiting list then. Listen for your name about 20 minutes before boarding.

Me: Thank you nice AirLady.

Note: These conversations are first posted in Facebook. If you would like to read comments from friends, go to…

The PoPo

I’m at attending the

Ran 6 miles this morning. Got pulled over by the PoPo.

PoPo: Excuse me sir.

Me: Yes, officer.

PoPo: Sir, we don’t allow running out on the roads around here.

Me: (looking around) Am I supposed to run through the woods? How does this work?

PoPo: (smiling) No sir. There’s a running trail about 20 yards to the right.

Me: So if I just break through the underbrush I can reach it?

PoPo: No sir. That would not be a good idea. Dangerous. Sorta like this road you’re on now. The young people around here don’t pay attention. You could get run over.

Me: You’ve got some strange kids. 4:30 am. Where I’m from no kids get up this early.

PoPo: (Laughing). Here neither. Just keep running. I’ll pull in behind you until you get to the turn off for the trail.

Me: AWESOME! I’ve never received a police escort!

Note: These conversations are first posted in Facebook. If you would like to read comments from friends, go to…