How to let failures go and not defeat you.

I’ve got attachment issues. 🙂 

No. Not the bad kind. 

With a win or when something good happens, I attach a massive amount of positive emotion. 

Anchor the amazing. 

With a loss or failure, I attach zero emotion. 

It’s there to learn and grow from, but not to feel bad about.

Here are four Ds that work for me in doing that…

1 Depth

My wife died in my arms when our son was five weeks old (almost 30 years ago). 

That became the measure of emotional pain for me. 

Nothing since has been as difficult. Nothing as deep.

When I experience a fail, it’s weighed against that loss and usually becomes unimportant.

Perhaps you have something deep that can be a reference point to current situations or even hurt feelings.

2 Disarm

Loses and failures are to be learned from but not felt negatively. 

Take pen to page and write out the situation. 

What contributed to the result?

What will be done differently next time? 

What are three things that can be learned?

How important will this be a year from now?

Notice those questions are not about WHO did something or about how you FEEL.

The event is to be examined and observed but not to be lived in or dwelled on.

Take away the power through logic and limiting emotion. 

3 Distance

I view a mess from a distance instead of getting close. 

Disassociate yourself from the event. 

Look at it as if you were far away and a voyeur instead of a participant. 

What advice would you give that person over facing that fail?

Again, write it out. 

4 Decide

As much as possible, IF we can put ourselves in the future challenge, then maybe we can preempt the feelings. 

For example, If you’re making a change in your business, such as raising your rates.

All clients will not like it or see it as positive. 

BUT if you do not decide ahead of time how you will feel or react, you’re at the mercy of emotions.

Whereas, if you think about it logically, you can frame it in advance

X% of my clients, on average, will not like this shift. 

I am prepared and expect this. 

If I double my rates, I can make the same amount with half the clients so if some leave, I am not devastated.

I’ll lower my workload and stress without altering my lifestyle.

We can’t know about all negatives coming our way, but we can prepare for some of them.

Depth

Disarm

Distance

Decide

Maybe some of those can’t help you face failure with a better perspective and not so reactive.